Sullivan`s Travels Page #2

How do you like it?

I don't like it at all, sir.

Fancy dress, I take it?

- What's the matter with it?

- I have never been sympathetic...

- to the caricaturing of the poor and needy, sir.

- Who's caricaturing?

Burrows doesn't know

about the expedition, sir.

I'm going out on the road to find out

what it's like to be poor and needy,

and then I'm going

to make a picture about it.

If you'll permit me to say so, sir,

the subject is not an interesting one.

The poor know all about poverty...

and only the morbid rich

would find the topic glamorous.

But I'm doing it for the poor.

Don't you understand?

I doubt if they would

appreciate it, sir.

They rather resent the invasion of their

privacy, I believe quite properly, sir.

Also, such excursions can be

extremely dangerous, sir.

I worked for a gentleman once

who likewise, with two friends,

accoutered themselves as you have,

sir, and then went out for a lark.

They have not been

heard from since.

- That was some time ago?

- 1912, sir.

- Huh.

- You see, sir, rich people...

and theorists...

who are usually rich people...

think of poverty in the negative,

as the lack of riches...

as disease might be called

the lack of health.

But it isn't, sir.

Poverty is not the lack of anything,

but a positive plague,

virulent in itself,

contagious as cholera,

with filth, criminality,

vice and despair as only

a few of its symptoms.

It is to be stayed away from,

even for purposes of study.

It is to be shunned.

You seem to have made

quite a study of it.

Quite unwillingly, sir.

Will that be all, sir?

- Thanks.

- Very good, sir.

He gets a little bit gruesome

every once in a while.

Yeah.

Always reading books, sir.

- Oh.

- As a matter of fact, sir,

I don't like the idea of a gentleman

of your inexperience...

leaving with only ten cents

in his pockets,

so I took

the extreme liberty, sir,

of having a studio

identification card...

sewed into the sole

of each of your boots.

You'd think I was a child.

The whole purpose of this expedition...

All right, all right, all right.

Before you all get started,

I just want to tell you one thing...

- My mind is made up.

- Nobody's here to argue, Sully.

- I know.

- You know that your slightest wish...

We talked it all over,

and there's something to the idea.

- There's a great deal to it.

- Stupendous.

Cassy has it all worked out. It's safe

as a church, big as a cathedral.

Bigger!

It's the story of the year.

It'll make the front page

of every newspaper in the country.

- I'm sending five of my boys...

- With me in charge.

An advance agent in front

and a follow-up behind.

- A cook and a still man.

- I want lots of 8x10's.

- Now, listen...

- I'm revamping that lovely land yacht...

that Demille used

in Northwest Mounted.

- It follows at a discreet dis...

- Hot coffee, sandwiches, and a bar in back.

It's connected to the studio

by shortwave, and it also carries...

- A hot shower and a secretary.

- And a physician.

Look, I'm trying

to find trouble,

but I won't find it with six acts

of vaudeville on my tail...

at least, not the kind

I'm looking for.

- Be reasonable, Sully.

- I'm reupholstering it from stem to stern.

- Wait till you see.

- I tell you, I've made up my mind.

- Definitely?

- Definitely.

- In that case, there's nothing else to do...

- You said it.

but to serve you with this summons

to appear and show cause...

why you should not be restrained from jeopardizing

your unique and extraordinary services...

- by willfully, recklessly and unnecessarily...

- Will you please wait a minute!

We have all day, Sully,

but you must realize...

we also have minds,

also made up.

Thus begins this

remarkable expedition...

- into the valley of the shadow of adversity.

- The shadow of the what?

The valley of the

shadow of adversity.

- It's what you call a paraphrase.

- Alone and unattended...

- With eight stooges.

- I'll write the story, if it's just the same to you.

Prey to passing prowlers,

poverty and policemen,

- How poetic.

- with only ten cents in his pocket,

- I wish I had what he's got in the bank.

- John Lloyd Sullivan,

the Caliph of Comedy...

- Departed Hollywood at 4:00 this morning.

- You said it.

- Can I sell you another stack, Doctor?

- Get me some bicarbonate of soda,

and don't call me "Doctor. "

He was talking to me, I think.

No, thank you.

- You say don't want some bicarbonate of soda, Doctor?

- Don't call me "Doctor"!

- No, I don't want any bicarbonate of soda.

- I thought you said you did.

Well, he don't!

- This place is very depressing.

- So was the breakfast.

Why doesn't he read a book

if he wants to learn something?

- Who, the cook? He could learn plenty.

- No, Sullivan.

- Maybe he don't know how to read.

- The cook?

No, the...

- This is gonna be a great trip.

- Sorry. I must have the wrong number.

That was the lighthouse keeper

on San Clemente Island.

Ask him what

his daughter's doing.

I said the lighthouse keeper

on San Clemente Island.

- How about a little gin rummy?

- I don't drink, thank you. Never touch it.

- How about a lift, Bud?

- If you don't mind going fast.

I'm studying to be

a whippet tanker.

- Go to it, Lieutenant!

- You're there, General.

- Can a whippet tank make a sharp turn?

- What?

Can a whippet tank

go up a side road?

A whippet tank can go anywhere.

Hang on!

Thank you, Major.

- This is where I get out.

- She's some tank, ain't she?

In a class by herself.

I never felt anything like it.

Well, I guess I better be

getting to school now, anyway.

Yeah, I guess you better had.

Drive carefully.

- You know me.

- By the way, how old are you?

- Thirteen. So long.

- So long.

What a future.

What were you chasing,

a jackrabbit?

- Felt more like a kangaroo.

- There he is!

- Well, how'd you like it?

- That was a dirty trick, boss.

Look, that was just a rough idea,

unless you play ball with me.

You know I can't do what I started out

to do with you guys chasing me around,

so I'll make you

a fair proposition.

You can go on wherever you like

and take it easy for a couple of weeks,

and I'll join you then

or sooner.

If the boss wants to talk to me,

I'm just up ahead,

mooching a lunch

from a farmer's wife.

Now, is that a square proposition

or isn't it?

- Well, I always wanted to go to Boulder Dam.

- You're there.

Yeah, well, if you think

I'm going to look at Boulder Dam...

How about

National Yellow Park?

That goes double

for National Yellow Park.

- If you'd said Las Vegas...

- What do they do in Las Vegas?

Everything, Doctor.

It's an education.

All right. I'll meet you in Las Vegas,

on or about the first.

And thanks, kids.

Thanks sincerely.

Yoo-hoo!

- Yes, ma'am?

- Don't get too tired.

Yes, ma'am.

First day's work. You don't suppose

you're overworking him, do you?

Oh, but I doubt it. He seems

very strong. Did you notice his torso?

- I notice that you noticed it.

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